The Schemer Play Script
SETTINGThe servants' room.AT RISEWhile BRIGHELLA and PEDROLINO are working, PANTALONE and LA SIGNORA rushes into the room.PANTALONE(to BRIGHELLA & PEDROLINO)Where's my money, idiots?!PEDROLINOSir, what are you talking about?BRIGHELLAYeah, what's happened, Sir?PANTALONEDon't pretend like you don't know anything. One of you schemed to steal my money last night, and tried to put the blame on my wife. Who was it?!LA SIGNORA(to PANTALONE)They probably teamed up to do those things. I'm going to check their room to see where they hid the money.(LA SIGNORA starts checking suitcases of the two servants.)PANTALONEOh, that's very nice of you. Thank you, darling.PANTALONE (Cont.)(to BRIGHELLA & PEDROLINO)Now, let me ask again. Which one of you stole my money?! Admit it before it's too late!BRIGHELLANone of us took your money, Sir.PEDROLINOBrighella is right. We're not thieves, Sir.PANTALONELying! You're both lying to me! It's clear that one of you is the thief! Admit it or both of you will be kicked out of my house!LA SIGNORA(to PEDROLINO)Pedrolino, can I ask you something? What is this?(LA SIGNORA takes a teddy bear out of PEDROLINO's suitcase.)Why is there a teddy bear in your suitcase?PEDROLINOMadam, please don't touch "him".LA SIGNORAYou call it "him"? Ha, what a laugh. And what about this?(LA SIGNORA takes a baby bottle out.)A baby bottle?PEDROLINOUm... That's for my kid.LA SIGNORAYou don't have any children, Pedrolino. Don't lie to me.PEDROLINOUh... I will. Someday.LA SIGNORAHa ha, what a joke. Oh, and what about this pacifier?(LA SIGNORA takes a pacifier out.)Really? Why do you keep so many baby things in your suitcase? I bet these things aren't for your baby, Pedrolino.(LA SIGNORA chuckles.)Anyway, these things are mine now.PEDROLINONo, please don't... That bottle and that pacifier are very expensive... You can't take them! They're mine!LA SIGNORAShut up! These things are for poor children, not for you.BRIGHELLA(to PEDROLINO)Oh look, baby Pedrolino is crying. Ha ha...PANTALONE(to PEDROLINO & BRIGHELLA)Hey, knock it off, La Signora! And you two, stay focused! Tell me which one of you is the thief now!BRIGHELLAI told you we had no idea, Sir... Maybe someone...LA SIGNORAOh finally I found it, Pantalone! I found the second letter!(LA SIGNORA holds the letter in her hand, and runs to PANTALONE.)PANTALONEReally?! Give it to me!LA SIGNORAIt was in Pedrolino's suitcase. Read it to see if it's yours.PANTALONE(PANTALONE looks at the letter.)It is mine, indeed.PANTALONE (Cont.)(to PEDROLINO)Pedrolino, how do you explain this?PEDROLINOSir... Someone put it in my suitcase. I don't know anything about this. I swear to God I didn't steal your letter...LA SIGNORA(LA SIGNORA slaps in PEDROLINO's face.)Shut your filthy mouth! We don't want to hear any excuses. I'm so disappointed in you, Pedrolino.BRIGHELLA(to PEDROLINO)Serves you right, thief.PANTALONE(to PEDROLINO)I can't believe this is true. Where's my money? Where is my money, you thief?!PEDROLINOHold on a minute, I don't see the connection between the letter and your money. Why do you accuse me of stealing money after you found the letter in my suitcase?PANTALONEStop pretending like you know nothing. Give my money back! Now!LA SIGNORA(to PEDROLINO)Give his money back now or get slapped in the face again!PEDROLINO(to PANTALONE)Sir, I don't know the exact story, but you've got to believe me. I bet somebody did this to put the blame on me just like they did to your Lady. Please, you have to believe me!BRIGHELLA(to PEDROLINO)Stop making excuses, Pedrolino. You're totally doomed now.PANTALONE(to BRIGHELLA)Hit him, Brighella. Hit him while we're looking for the money.(LA SIGNORA and PANTALONE starts searching for the money.)BRIGHELLAOh, I would be honoured to do that, Sir.PEDROLINO(to PANTALONE)No, you can't do this to me, Sir! Sir!(BRIGHELLA punches PANTALONE in the face, then wrestles him to the ground.)No, no, no, stop it! Aaahh...BRIGHELLA(to PEDROLINO)Tell the Master where you hid the money now or I'll strangle you to death!PEDROLINOHow the heck should I know where his money is?! I'm not the thief!BRIGHELLAThen you have to die.(BRIGHELLA starts to squeeze PEDROLINO's neck.)PEDROLINONo! Get off of me, you rapist!(PEDROLINO chokes.)PANTALONE(to BRIGHELLA)Hey, hey, hey! What are you doing, Brighella?! Stop strangling him!BRIGHELLANo, he has to die!PANTALONELet go of him now! We can't kill him until we know where our money is.(BRIGHELLA stops strangling PEDROLINO.)Go somewhere else. We don't need you anymore.BRIGHELLAI'm sorry, Sir.(BRIGHELLA leaves the room.)LA SIGNORA(to PEDROLINO)Pedrolino, we will now give you two choices. One, you can tell us where you hid the money, and we will forgive you and let you stay here. Two, you can say nothing, but you'll be kicked out of our house, and we'll never see you again.PANTALONE(to LA SIGNORA)But darling, we can't let him get away that easy.LA SIGNORA(LA SIGNORA whispers in PANTALONE's ear.)Don't worry, I'm sure he still keeps your money somewhere in our house. If he continues refusing to tell us the exact location, we can just kick him out the house and search for the money later.PANTALONEOh yes, good idea, darling. We can't just let a thief live in our home, can we?LA SIGNORA(to PEDROLINO)You done thinking yet?PEDROLINOYes, Madam. I choose to say nothing and be kicked out of the house. But the truth is, I am not the thief.PANTALONE(to PEDROLINO)Fine, then pack up your bags and leave our house now. You are fired.LA SIGNORA(to PEDROLINO)I'm sorry, Pedrolino, but there's nothing I can do for you. You disappoint us.(PEDROLINO says nothing. He packs his bags then leaves the house.)LA SIGNORA (Cont.)(to PANTALONE)Okay, Pantalone. Let's find your money.(LA SIGNORA & PANTALONE leave the room.)
(BLACKOUT)
(END OF SCENE)
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